Light Along the Journey

You know you are not Reformed if…

• you think the Apostles Creed is the guy who fought Rocky in Rocky I.
• you think the Canons of Dort are like the Guns of Navarrone.
• you think Ursinus is a nasal condition.
• you think Arminians are the people who run convenience stores.
• you think the Belgic Confession was from WWII war crimes trials.
• you think “popery” in the church makes it smell flowery.
• you think the psalter goes with the pepper shaker.
• you think unconditional election is a practice of communist dictatorships.
• the only “kirk” you know is from Star Trek.
• you think the Three Forms of Unity are health, wealth, and happiness.
• you think “catechism” and “dogma” relate to pets.
• you think Post Tenebras Lux is a breakfast cereal (it’s actually the motto of post-Reformation Geneva).
• you don’t know why some people put periods in the word T.U.L.I.P.
• you think the guy talking about irresistable grace must have a girlfriend named Grace.
• you think particular redemption has to do with coupons that can only be used in specific stores.
• you think the five solas is a follow-up album to the three tenors.
• you think the White Horse Inn should be avoided because it sounds like they might serve alcohol there.
• you think Cornelius Van Til founded a university.
• you hear “B.B. Warfield” and immediately whip out your pellet gun or air rifle in response.
• you say, “Gezunteit!” after someone mentions Kuyper.
• you respond, “Yeah, I loved those creatures in LOTR, too” when you hear about Oliphant.
• you wonder, “Maybe they’re the new Destiny’s Child?” after you hear someone mention Puritan divines.
• you think propitiation is for hair loss.
• if you think that justification has to do with aligning the margins of a text.
• if you think the Diet of Worms sounds disgusting!

—>a big hat tip to Kim Riddlebarger and his cohorts!

Yes, this is bizarre beyond description, but everyone seems to be linking to it, so I will too:

Calvinism Gangsta Rap