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When Bad Pharmacology Collides with Bad Theology

Ok, maybe it’s just because I’m a professional physician, amateur theologian, & dry humor afficiando, but this satirical news story made me laugh.

You Know You Aren’t Reformed If…

You know you are not Reformed if…

  • you think the Apostles Creed is the guy who fought Rocky in Rocky I.
  • you think the Canons of Dort are like the Guns of Navarrone.
  • you think Ursinus is a nasal condition.
  • you think Arminians are the people who run convenience stores.
  • you think the Belgic Confession was from WWII war crimes trials.
  • you think “popery” in the church makes it smell flowery.
  • you think the psalter goes with the pepper shaker.
  • you think unconditional election is a practice of communist dictatorships.
  • the only “kirk” you know is from Star Trek.
  • you think the Three Forms of Unity are health, wealth, and happiness.
  • you think “catechism” and “dogma” relate to pets.
  • you think Post Tenebras Lux is a breakfast cereal (it’s actually the motto of post-Reformation Geneva).
  • you don’t know why some people put periods in the word T.U.L.I.P.
  • you think the guy talking about irresistable grace must have a girlfriend named Grace.
  • you think particular redemption has to do with coupons that can only be used in specific stores.
  • you think the five solas is a follow-up album to the three tenors.
  • you think the White Horse Inn should be avoided because it sounds like they might serve alcohol there.
  • you think Cornelius Van Til founded a university.
  • you hear “B.B. Warfield” and immediately whip out your pellet gun or air rifle in response.
  • you say, “Gezunteit!” after someone mentions Kuyper.
  • you respond, “Yeah, I loved those creatures in LOTR, too” when you hear about Oliphant.
  • you wonder, “Maybe they’re the new Destiny’s Child?” after you hear someone mention Puritan divines.
  • you think propitiation is for hair loss.
  • if you think that justification has to do with aligning the margins of a text.
  • if you think the Diet of Worms sounds disgusting!

—>a big hat tip to Kim Riddlebarger and his cohorts!

Web Watch Wednesday: Monergism.com

 

 

It seems Calvinism is a hot topic these days. Southern Baptists are debating it, Christianity Today put it on the front cover of the September 2006 issue, there seem to be more high-profile thought leaders in the Evangelical world who identify themselves as Calvinists, there’s even Calvinist gangsta rap, for crying out loud.

So, what’s all the fuss about?  Whether you agree, disagree, or just want to know more about it, who you gonna call?

www.Monergism.com, that’s who!  Monergism is a huge huge site with thousands of pages of articles, sermons, guides, online books, and more on Calvinism (reformed theology) than you ever though existed!  It has both basic explanations and tons of seminary-level material on nearly every conceivable aspect of reformed theology, both from modern writers and the likes of Luther, Calvin, Edwards, and other dead guys.  It’s the Wal-mart of all things reformed: if it ain’t here you don’t really need it. 

Some Reformed Rap, Yo

 

 

Yes, this is bizarre beyond description, but everyone seems to be linking to it, so I will too:

Calvinism Gangsta Rap

How Many Caner Brothers Does It Take?

Ok, so this probably won’t make any sense to anyone who is not keeping up on the “Calvinism wars” going on within the SBC right now, but I’ll try anyway (with no true offense to any brothers in Christ intended):

Question: How many Caner Brothers does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Answer:  Only one, but he’s convinced the light bulb has to freely choose to change first.

Was Jim Henson a Calvinist?

So much for free will….